i jus met eileen today...we went to buy gifts for damai teachers together...sorry eileen i came late n u had to wait 4 half n hour...i was rushing thru my written report. i guess my leader is going to scream at me coz i didnt really edit much...

hmmm..on my way to tamp inter to meet eileen...my mind was busy...i was thinking what i was going blog..yes...i have to think wat i m going to say before i blog..i dunnoe y before i want to ask somebody something...i have to rehearse it thru my mind once before i reali go n ask..

n when something happens good or bad...i talk to myself not literally but yah...in my mind...there is lke so many things hidden within me...its true that i cant keep things in my heart for very long..i have to tell it to somebody...so far i only tell or say my feelings to eileen, munirah n now eunice...but there is always somethings that i cant tell or have never told any of them...

sometimes i worry that these little things that i keep in my heart mite die within me...i m afraid the people around me will never know the sufferings that i am going thru...although i show a happy face everday...within me...i m very sad...i m in dilemma confusions...i dont like the life that i m leading now...i want a peaceful life...i dont want a life that makes me worry about money...

the problems that i m facing has made me the person i m now...i love to buy alot of things...i love to eat..but whenevr i see anything that is nice i will jus look at it admire n walk away...becoz of the price...u mite think dis is normal part of life but i do the same thing for food...i dont like myself doiing it...but i m forcing myself there is a difference...

another thing is i get hurt easily...if someone scolds me for no reason..meaning if i m accused unnecessarily...i will get frustated angry...keep it in my heart n cry....n when in an argument wen i realise that i got the reasons to fight back, i wont say anything coz if i say anything...its considered talking back...so its like i have no choice but to keep my thoughts to myself...i feel that i m beeing controlled too much by myself...i dont like it...
i m afraid that one day...all the buried feeling will come out n i will have muliple personality disorder...lol

haha...i m being silly...i noe...any way these were thoughts running in my mind in the bus..
hais gotcha go its 12.32 am now...going to sleep...nitez...