hey..rasina here...
you noe my promos are over...its a big relief..sleeping at 11.30 pm and waking up at 1.30am to study all the way untill go to sch for exam...is crazy..n had been driving me crazy...i feel so more relaxed...happy tat its over...although i m afraid of my results...which is over so i cant help it yeah...

my last paper was on monday so tues, wed holiday...and i went to sch yesterday..some meetings on pw and house meeting...about the inter house competition held today...i and my 3 classmates participated in this floorball game...it so reminded me of the floorball which i, munirah,haniffa, and the malay ppl played...n that hannifa actually blocked the goalpost by literally sitting infront of the goalpost hence no place to goal...yeah...

so today we played with other houses...as u noe i m in eagles..the other groups are phoenix, hawk,falcon, seagull and heron. it was pretty scary coz...if u noe me...i m not a sporty person...the oni thing i can ever do is run...so i was afraid that i would cause my group to lose..i was told to or in other words i volunteered to be the 'goalkeeper'...there are 2 goalposts so one goalkeeper was me the other was eunice..we played two games before deciding whos entering the finals...

i was quite happy actually in those two games coz nobody was able score at my goalpost...so i was kinda relieved...but still nervous...my hands always shaking...den while playing eunice exchanged her place wif one of my frens...she was no longer a goalkeeper lah...then half way thru eunice wanted to change place with me...but i didnt want to i shook my head my head and said "i scared"...after that the face expression that she showed wen she said" nvm"...and wen seeing her limping abit...my heart was screaming out loud "stupid idiot...she jus fell and hurt herself she needs to rest...and u r being so selfish..change place with her"...then i was like "shit stupid me"...so i was actually watchind eunice and the ball at the same time...if she wanted to change still i was willing to change...later she came over to tie her shoe lace...i told her i will change place wif her and so i did...

after the two games we were chosen for the finals...eagles(us) against seagulls...i was as usual scared...stomach rumbling...feel like going to toilet...since it was getting late, the group to score first will be the winner...and so the game began...i was turing the floorball stick here and there warming up...so that i can easily push the ball away...i pushed the ball away twice or thrice...THEN the ball came...it was moving here and there...my eyes were following the ball...it was coming towards me...another thing i forgot to say is that the whole school was watching coz...there were different types of games basketball, soccer, netball...and floorball took place in the hall..and all the j1s are to assemble back in the hall...so wen the finals were going on..about to start thr whole hall was crowded...surrounded with j1s...

ok coming back to the ball approaching me....the ball was coming towards my stick...i went forward to hit it...and the next thing i noe...the ppl ard me were screaming...i alowly turned my head...it was literally slow motion...i slowly turned my head n saw the ball in the net...n the nex thing i noe...my heart kind of gave way and collapsed...tats it the end of the game...i made my group lose the last thing i wished for to happen...my lips were tightly closed together...i returned the ball to the the teacher..n gave him an innocent cheerful look but lips still pressed togther...he said "its over its ok"... the rest of the team left their sticks in the middle of the hall and left....i saw the ticks...i wen to pick them up...eunice did also...she took a few and and so did i and we walked away...then i saw sumore sticks...i bent down n tried to hold all the sticks in my hand...all the spectators watching me picking up...it was like a punishment...wen i was struggling with the sticks...eunice turned and den only she realised tat i wasnt behind her but picking up somemore...she came to help me...but i managed it b4 she came...then i left the sticks in the corner of the hall and left to take my bag...

untill den i didnt speak anything...i was more disappointed to letting my group lose den embarassed...i felt truly guilty...i confided dis to only lcc...although eunice should have known by looking at my eyes where u can see grief as she said "its ok" to me...but i was extremely sad...guilty...so so much...i dunnoe why...i had to tell dis to sumbody but couldnt tell...so i msged munirah...but still i was not relieved...i asked cheng hui(ch) and lcc..."was it really embarassing" den they told me wat i did...wat i should have done...coz i truthfully didnt noe wat i did as i only remembered seeing the ball in the net....n they told me its ok...dis really lifted my heavy feelings...i felt much better...i was more cheerful then...i dunnoe why wen other ppl said its ok...u did a good job...i felt more guilty but wat lcc and ch said cheered me up...den suddenly someone whom i dont even know but lcc know...saw me and said that i did a great job..i said thank you back...i was worried that so many ppl saw me...but i was very happy...happy tat ppl didnt tink tat i was a waste useless person...not reliable..didnt think tat some1 else shud have been there instead of me...but they, not all but at least some, actually understood and thought that i actually tried my best...i was so much happier...the deep burning feelings vanished...my heart was lighter..no more guilty feelings..

n i went home cheerfully...i mite look lyk making a moutain out of a mole..but i m like that...worry abt even little little issues...yeah so

ps: sorry to eunice for not changing place wif u...i still feel guilty for tat...tanx to ch , lcc, n lcc's fren who cheered me up..

oh yah forgot to say...you noe dis drama named hearts of ninteen korean drama they putting in ch u now weekdays at 7pm...yeah i somehow borrowed the drama dvd from my classmate, eugene...whose mother have a big heart to lend it to me..i was jumping in joy wen i got it..but unfortunately..WARNING YOU DONT LAUGH....i found out that there isnt any english subtitles only chinese subs for the korean drama...so i m going to watch it like a mute movie....oh god...its ok...=)...hais long post...i gotcha breakfast bb...